Shades of Thoughts

Shades of Thoughts

It was January 26 when I last posted on my blog. I don’t think it was a writer’s block, but lately my societal status has been “nauseating...

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It was January 26 when I last posted on my blog. I don’t think it was a writer’s block, but lately my societal status has been “nauseatingly miserable beyond repair.”

Don’t quit the page.

No drama today.

No negativity.

I wanna tell you something.

I was just checking the Snapchat feeds when a Snapchat story popped up in the right time. The story was posted by a person I love! Shereen Mitwalli. A super woman with many talents. She wrote: “Sorry for lack of posts… Some things are meant to be fully enjoyed.”

I owe her a lot.

I feel it would take me ages to describe how I feel tonight. It is too difficult to explain. Very particular. It is a feeling with no name but with many “OH LALLA” side effects.

This post took me back to the days where I had to shut off all the chaos around me and listen to the voice inside me. It was closer to this: “Disconnect to Reconnect.”

This voice has taken me everywhere.

Don’t worry.

I’m not going to bring up philosophies because I don’t think.

I feel. Wholeheartedly and intellectually.

How could I fail to notice?

Today I am who I am. Or I am what I already am. You get me?

I am someone who started nowhere and ended everywhere.

I had to press a reset button.

I had to start my life on my own terms.

I had to find balance. And I actually had to nurture balance.

I left the big world of my world.

And today, I live outside the milieu.

And the life outside the milieu is divine.

It takes a lot to live there.

It is the place where I have enjoyed imperfection; because imperfection is the most interesting part of beauty.

It is the place that taught me that freedom is the most essential part of living, and that curiosity is the most basic element in change.

Today I am who I am. Every form of theory and correctness has been pulling me away from my identity. From the real me.

I always say with grateful expressions “I don’t go with the flow.” But I never knew why.

Till a stranger… or a friend – I assume- whispered in my ears: “Because only dead fish go with the flow.”

Today. I am the flow.

I quit the crowd.

I break the rules.

I will put the rules. And I will play the game.

I haven’t lived enough. But I have enjoyed enough. And it is enough to make me happy.

And today, I would tell myself: Daresay. Dare do. And never talk. Talking is a very boring song.