This is the simplest idea, but honestly, something that somany people get wrong. For the purposes of this article, I am using the words“dating” and “r...
This is the simplest idea, but honestly, something that somany people get wrong.
For the purposes of this article, I am using the words“dating” and “relationships” interchangeably because if you are in arelationship with somebody and you’re NOT taking them on dates, I’m sorry butyou are not giving it the necessary food it needs to thrive.
You might be in a situation where you’re dating a guy and hestarts to move away. Where once he was super keen to see you, text youconstantly and do things with you, now more than ever he’s starting to becomemore distant. You are not quite sure what’s going on, even though you’ve doneeverything right in this situation… or so you think.
What I am about to write about below is so crucial, that ifyou don’t notice this and pay attention to it, you might accidentally drive himaway without even realizing it. If you do however notice this, you are morelikely to make him so fulfilled in your relationship that he will stop avoidingyou and in fact, he might even start doing things for you to express hisaffection in ways he never did before.
The idea I want to share with you today is MAKING HIM FEELLIKE HE IS A PROTECTOR.
I believe that this is one of the most crucial aspects of arelationship. Some people do it by accident (and to those I applaud them) butsome others can be oblivious, especially people who have more of an authorityposition.
You see, the idea that a guy is a protector (or provider)can be so crucial to a man at a subconscious level, that if he doesn’t get thatfeeling in your relationship he might look elsewhere for it. The thing I amconstantly telling my clients is the Universal Law of Relationships: “Weget into relationships because of HOW THEY MAKE US FEEL,” and if hedoesn’t feel this way it is going to seriously affect his outlook. This is whycoaching is important, it helps really define exactly what you feel and what hefeels so we can bring them together in the strongest way to give your love lifethe attention and spark it deserves.
I used to coach men in relationships specifically in yearspast, and the most common thing I heard was not that they just wanted to runaround meeting new girls and wooing them into bed (because trust me, when youspeak to them the single life can be lonely), but really they wanted someonethey can rely on and feel good with. Hopefully, you feel the same way. The maindifference between a guy who can’t commit and Mr.Relationship is thatMr.Relationship wants to be a protector and have spice and variety in his life.Similarly, the man who can’t commit wants to be a protector and … well… youguessed it, have spice and variety in his life; he just decided it was toopainful to be committed, while a committed man deems it too painful to besingle and ready to mingle (but that’s an article for another time).
There are only two main fears that people have universally,and this was inspired by Tony Robbins. The first fear is that we are notenough, which ultimately means that we will not be loved.
An interesting thing happens when a man feels like he is notenough for a girl. At a level that is unspoken, he will start to move away andfind a relationship where he feels enough because it satisfies and removes hisfear that he will not be loved. Now, ladies, I am not saying you pander downand make him feel like a man and put yourself at a loss. This is a commonconcern I get that if you do this you will lose your equality, and trust me,this is NOT a point of losing rights, this is a point of effectivecommunication. It is like he has a secret love language that you never knewabout.
Imagine if you will a situation where it is Christmas, butinstead of giving a gift, you give the person Easter eggs; not only that youinsist that he is wrong for expecting a Christmas gift and that he should takethe eggs and be grateful for them. He might feel stupid and confused.
You might say in this situation that “isn’t it HISresponsibility to say that something is wrong?”
While I agree that I think everybody should share theirfeelings, it is important to note that some men don’t know how to, and perceivesharing emotions as a weakness, and trust me, I’ve known plenty of women tofeel this way as well. The key here is not to CHANGE your behavior, but ADD toit. Like a cube has more dimensions than a square, that is all I simply want todo here.
The simple act of telling him when he does things for youthat nobody else can do will do WONDERS to satisfy him. Similarly the phrase:
“You know, nobody else makes me feel like you do, you makeme feel so safe,” will speak to him on such a deep subconscious level that youmight just see his eyes light up. You’re now starting to speak his language.
So, do you want to be somebody who really has a fulfilledlasting relationship? Do you want to be somebody who stands out in herpartner’s eyes? Do you want to have him so excited to see you he startsinvesting in the relationship more than ever before? OR do you want to have himmove away and drift off to try and find those feelings elsewhere?
So to sum this up, please remember the following:
Don’t be a girl who needs a man. Be the girl a man needs byspeaking his language.
Do an experiment and try this out. Speak his language andsay the things that make him feel the way he needs to feel and see whathappens, you might be surprised how it goes.
Do it and let me know, I’m always happy to hear results!This is only the tip of the iceberg, if you use this and it has results let meknow at firstname.lastname@example.org oreven follow and message me on Instagram (@gethimhooked). If you’re interestedin getting the edge in your relationships/dating life, anywhere from learningto speak to guys to maintaining and creating explosive fulfilling relationshipsmy email is the same.
Harvey Hooke is an International Dating Coach for women whoused to travel the world teaching men how to speak and interact with women. Nowhe’s sharing his knowledge on exactly what makes a guy tick, so you canunderstand men and find the love you deserve. He coaches women who are stucktrying to meet the right kinds of guys, who want to learn how to hook guys andgo on dates or who want to create the relationships they deserve.