This is not a blog post. This is a struggle. I think I have so many conflicted emotions, and I guess am unable to give a voice to them. I’d bett...
This is not a blog post. This is a struggle.
I think I have so many conflicted emotions, and I guess am unable to give a voice to them. I’d better write them down. I don’t know whether I want to cry or chill. I feel like I want to cry. Like really cry. But I just can’t. There are poisonous emotions inside that am unable to let out.
I don’t know if it’s victory or disappointment. I don’t know if it’s my loss or his. I don’t know if am blessed or slapped by truth. I’m unable to diagnose the case. I don’t know if am jealous… but what I know for sure is that I have always been so full of myself. I never want to hear the clichés about pain and hurt, I don’t want the supportive stay strong scenario! I never want to hear people telling me that am strong and I can handle. I don’t want anyone to tell me that I deserve better.
I’m consumed with anger and fear. I guess this time I lost my power. I’m weak and I feel am less than a woman. And worse am on a low self esteem mode.
He lied; cheated, judged, betrayed, disappointed… He put me down to push his ego up. He gave me fake promises. He broke my heart and walked away. He took my happiness away, and when my happiness is cut off, someone has to pay.
I never want to forgive. I’m never an angel when am dealing with the devil.
I can never forgive not even after the guy who took away my happiness lies down dead.
Today am unable to help my innocent pure self. Am unable to give her the love I gave to him. My love made him strong enough to walk away.
It is a matter of time till I will be okay. It is a matter of time till I get back on track. I will get my life back.
To the guy who made me write this:
I owe you revenge. And I owe it to myself to make it happen.